Lost and Found
There are many things about our oldest child that we will never know. We won’t know
its birthday, its gender or even its name. What we will always know is that we loved
that child, even before we ever met it. Last January, seven weeks into pregnancy,
after a long, painful night, my wife miscarried our baby. It was as difficult a
night as either of us had experienced. The physical pain was great, but the emotional
distress was overwhelming. This was not the first miscarriage and with this latest
loss, our hope was depleted.
It seems that disappointment looms largest where hope is highest. And for this child,
we had been hoping and praying for some time. We mourned the loss of the child,
but more so the loss of relationship. Here was a gift for which we were planning
that was seemingly stolen from us. We moved from sadness to anger to wonder. We
understood that directing anger toward God for removing a blessing that he had given
to us did not make a whole lot of sense. Jonah 4 is a good place to get that straightened
out.
The bigger issue was what this meant now. Did this mean that God had other plans
for us? Maybe, but there was something else that struck me. For some inexplicable
reason, my wife and I loved that child. It had done absolutely nothing to earn our
love. In fact, it made the person I love most considerably sick and irritable. Yet,
I loved that child completely independently from any value it brought to me. And
with that, I had a spectacular picture of God loving and choosing me as his child
before the foundation of the world. I added nothing to him and I never would. Yet,
his love for me is great and his desire is that I might live. And how I now appreciate
in a new way, the gift of life that he has given me through the loss of his oldest
child.
Steve & Natalie
Illinois
Let Go
I have been struggling since finding out that my 24 year old son has an addiction
to prescription drugs. Of course I have been doing a LOT of praying for our Lord
to help us through these trying times. I prayed day and night for the answers on
what I need to do to help him. Well, on the first Sunday that Pastor MacDonald began
his teaching on trials, I couldn’t stop my tears from flowing in church while the
beginning songs of worship were being sung. I was completely overwhelmed with tears
and had no idea why. I still cannot explain whether they were tears of joy or sorrow,
they were just tears. Then Pastor began his message and I was completely in disbelief.
One thing that was said will stick in my mind from that day until I die. Pastor
said that God will give us the answers if we ask and truly want to know the truth..
Well, it hit me right there and then. Yes, I had been praying for the answers and
God had been giving me the answer all along, but it wasn’t the answer I wanted to
hear. Basically the answer was that it was time for me to quit trying to manage
my son’s life and make life easier for him while on drugs. I feared that left to
run his own life, he would fall hard. As his mother, I wanted to “save” him from
that pain. Well, it was through Pastor MacDonald’s sermon that day that I finally
realized that God’s answer was given to me all along. It was at that moment that
I knew what I had to do. I had to give my son over to God and pray that He take
over.
I did just that. I made a commitment that day to stop my own behavior that ultimately
got me nowhere. I now felt a sense of relief and of hope that I never had before.
Sharon
Riverside, CA
Thankful for Trials
My wife and I moved further from our church and closer to our work. We wanted to
save some commuting time to share with the kids. Instead problems with the home.
Our time was often spent on that. This week God enabled us sell for a profit.
Hoping we'll use His stuff in His way! Thankful for trials!
Anonymous
A Lesson Well Learned
When an attraction to another man entered my life this past summer.
I asked God to remove him from my life. I did not want to destroy my marriage. God
allowed this "trial" for a time and has brought me through it with a stronger faith
and a healthier marriage (and no excess baggage! Just a lesson well learned.) And
now that man has been removed!!! God is Sovereign and He is good! Now I will proclaim
His goodness so He is glorified in this trial.
Praises be to my Lord and Savior!
Ann K.
Hard Lesson
I like to hunt, a lot. I had a hard lesson on what happens when you put things (hunting)
ahead of God. I shot a trophy deer, and the bullet went through a house window 200
yards away. Dealing with the court and insurance knowing God has allowed this trial
help me realize who is most important.
Brian D.
Growing My Roots Deep
I have learned first hand very early in my walk with the Lord what it means to rest
on His promises, wrapped in His grace and loving embrace in the midst of a trial.
Within months of accepting Christ, the person who was most instrumental in my coming
to Christ and subsequent discipleship made some choices that ripped apart the fabric
of our relationship and left me on a precipice of darkness and confusion that I
had faced as a non Believer (with detrimental ramifications) but had never faced
as a Believer.
The pain drove me to my knees and then to my face as I sought God more intensely
than I realized myself capable so early in my walk. My cry was profound - "I can't
do this without You. I want to go through - but You have to grow me through or this
isn't going to happen!" Each time I thought the trial was over, the heat intensified.
I repeated my plea and He renewed my strength. This played out in a very public
forum and I vowed that no matter what I was going through with God and I would not
allow Him to be embarrassed or dishonored by my poor behavior.
I quickly reached broken and submitted before Him then whole and fully surrendered
to His will. He's growing my roots deep and strong through this season. I've simply
trusted, prayed and obeyed. He met me at the point of my greatest need and permitted
this trial and thorn to impact my character formation in the body of Christ in some
phenomenal ways. I can't say this particular trial is over yet, but I have an understanding
and appreciation for what He is accomplishing as a result.
Anita C.
Too Mad to Understand
In October 2009 I was at work on a night shift and I had an anxiety attack that
changed my life forever. I was unable to return to work after that attack and am
still off work today. However, being a Christian I was mad and did not understand
why God was doing this to me. I thought I was a good faithful servant but I guess
I wasn’t so I turned my back on God, walked away. I was too mad to understand why
God would do this. It was about 2 months before I was able to turn back to God.
I had been diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder with elements of depression
and elements of Agoraphobia. I had thought about suicide a few times, I was part
of a very good men’s group at the time and they were able to help me in so many
ways. After going through the depression and agoraphobia I was able to get my thoughts
together and came back to God. I got on my knees and asked God for his forgiveness
for walking away. My marriage almost ended not because we didn’t love each other
but our kids were affected by everything I was going through. Once I was able to
understand that God was doing this for me, and not to me, my faith in God was so
much stronger. Now instead of turning from God I am praising God for the GAD which
will never go away, it is a mental condition I have for life. However I am on the
mend in a very fast way and am returning to work in March 2010. Praise the Lord
for his amazing power of forgiveness and his love for me. Praise the Lord.
Scott
Great Love
I was looking for something to cheer me up earlier because I was depressed (like
usual) so I came to when life is hard.com...I read a few stories and watched a few
videos and looked up a few of the scripture passages...and it made me more depressed....I
tried to pray for those people...and yep it made me more depressed...I don’t know
exactly why yet still. But I do know I saw great Love through this website. Love
of complete strangers. I still don’t know exactly what’s going on...but I see Love
more and more. It’s hard for me to even sit down and read without my mind wandering
off, but I’m reading 2nd timothy right now and I feel great Love again. Love I’m
receiving and Love I want to give. Christ’s Love. I just got finished the 2nd chapter,
by the grace of God. I said a prayer before I started to read and I start to understand.
And when my mind wanders I say another prayer and it comes back and I understand
again. I see Christ’s Love in your church and in you people thank you so much. I
thank God for you. Please don’t post this unless you think its worth it. I babble
a lot. But please pray for me....my goal is to give all that I am for Christ, one
day and forever. God bless you all, may you never die and live forever.
Daniel
Right Where He Wants Me to Be
I have been married for three years. In 2008 my husband went into the hospital with
liver failure. We have been back and forth to the hospital ever since. My husband
is now waiting for a liver transplant. Life has dealt us many trials, but it wasn’t
until I read this book that I came to realize GOD has me right where he wants me.
Sharon
God is Good All the Time
Sin is never a good thing.
I have been married for almost 20 years and I have two beautiful daughters inside
and out. We have had an extremely close family that serves and loves the Lord, always
owned our own businesses and have been blessed in countless ways.
A year and four months ago, all we knew as reality, changed seemingly overnight
when the unfaithfulness of my husband was revealed and I was left to pick up the
many pieces of our shattered life. In a matter of a few days my daughters and I
lost most everything we knew as secure and normal: my husband, their dad, our business,
our livelihood, our home of nine years and almost the school they had attended for
eleven years.
By God’s grace, we immediately fell face down and turned to the Lord, His Word and
His people in the midst of what seemed like a dream…. Surely we would “wake up”
and it would all be over soon. We came to our church elders who have guided us,
prayed for us and have walked this long, dark valley with us, we have surrounded
ourselves with godly family and friends who have carried us through with consistent,
fervent prayer and many gracious acts of love, and we have continually sought the
Lord like never before.
Our family thought has truly become, God is good all the time! We have HUGE “mountains”
yet to climb, personally, financially, emotionally, and we are only in the midst
of this devastating trial, yet God has refined us. The miraculous things He has
done for us throughout this year are overwhelming. He has loved us in ways we have
never experience before, and as we have chosen to be active participants to His
grace, we have experienced His promises to be true, His love to be faithful and
His grace and mercy to be abundant! I don’t know what He has planned or how our
story will end but I am confident in this…that He who began a good work in us, will
complete until the day of Christ Jesus my Lord!
Rebecca
Elgin, IL
Back to My Faith
I lost my precious daughter Christa Melody on 5/26/03 in a car accident. She was
only 26 years old. I am also a recovering alcoholic, a member of AA. I have recently
experienced a deep conversion back to my faith in Jesus Christ and I have been touched
by the Holy Spirit totally through!
Suzanna H.
Turning Point
July 2009 - Daddy diagnosed with stage four lung cancer. He was 79, not ready to
meet his Maker. We watched him waste away as an unusually strong man melted into
fragility. Mom and Dad were married 59 years, buried two sons, lost their parents
and Mom buried four siblings.
Daddy's unusual physical strength kind of lead one to believe subconsciously he
would never die & so when this befell our family it was beyond shock.
I called my brother to tell him the results of the biopsy he said to me, Diane didn't
we kind of know it had to be? Yes, I knew in my heart, strangely even hoped in my
heart this was God saving Daddy. I didn’t want it to be CANCER. We had prayed for
Dad's salvation for decades and now God was coming to his rescue!
I remember praying with Dad a miracle in itself and watching over the months as
God prepared him for heaven.
For five months I helped take care of him knowing I was probably just helping him
die. I can't explain how hard it was and am still reeling a bit with all the health
problems it's brought to my life. We didn't breathe for five months.
As Daddy went through the denial, anger - his biggest hurdle was realizing he couldn’t
help himself. The day he said to me Tine I can't do ANYTHING for myself anymore
- while heart-wrenching as he sobbed I see it was a turning point.
It wasn’t until the final week that he talked to me about God's love for us and
how it was even more than I loved him or he loved me. In his quiet dying voice he
let me know he was ready! The Cancer was God's mercy on Daddy.
Diane B.
Building Our Faith
My husband came down with a non-curable illness 6 years ago at age 52 that came
very suddenly one day. Our business, our home, everything went. His illness is very
painful - it's a nerve disease. Why? For the building of our faith and the faith
of others, he endures this trial that God has allowed.
Barbara R.
The Lord Holds My Hand
Last September we lost our farm this August my son and his wife lost their jobs.
August 21st I lost mine. The transmission went on my van we had nothing left and
then the Lord called our daughter at age 23 to Heaven.
Yet I know the Lord holds my hand through it all and I praise him. God Bless you
all.
Marie L.
One in Ten Thousand
My 1st daughter was born with a serious genetic defect. "One in 10,000" she was.
Had she been conceived in a "pro-choice" woman, she would have been aborted because
she wasn't "perfect". She lived 7 weeks. The ordeal strengthened my faith, because
God had his arms around me constantly.
Rochelle W.
Agony
My three year old daughter fell off the bleachers in a gym and broke her arm. She
immediately was in agony and crying out to me. We were about an hour away from home
so I had to ask a local where I could find the closest emergency room. After we
got checked in and were waiting for x-ray. I was sitting by her bed trying to get
her arm stabilized and silently weeping. She kept crying out to me and I felt so
very helpless. I was frustrated and couldn't do anything to help stop her pain.
The thought occured to me how our heavenly Father must feel when we are in agony
and we don't call out to him. It would be so frustrating to him. I just pictured
him thinking "Call upon me my child, call upon me." Naturally a child calls to their
parent for help. Do I call out to my heavenly Father instinctively? I have been
working on this in my life. My daughter's arm healed quicker than her Mother's heart
and she is doing amazing!
Tracie
No Turning Back
I have begun to read the book for the second time. I am 62 years old and these are
some of the toughest times of my life. I told some of my friends about the prayer
giving God permission to do whatever is needed in my life. A friend of mine said,
"That’s a brave prayer". Things became tougher than ever. However, many things have
improved. I will not be specific, but my television viewing has been changed dramatically.
The stress level in my life has increased five fold. BUT, if this is what it takes
to deepen my relationship with God, so be it. I am writing this to be held accountable
to every one who reads this book. Never do I want to go back to the old ways. I
have recommended this book to a few friends. I did not realize the level of commitment
it takes to give everything over to God. It is necessary to be ready before reading
this book. This morning I realized that there is no turning back. Luke 9:62 says
"He who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is not fit for the kingdom of God".
I do not know what the future holds. I do know God is with me. His will be done!
Jack